My Experience Behind Bars

If you live in the Tri-cities, you know of the Busted paper. It features all the mug shots of the arrested in the local counties. And thanks to my bad decisions in the past, I was featured! Not many people want to brag about going to jail, and I can't say I'm anything close to proud(especially in regards to my appearance). Perhaps humbled is the best word, followed by grateful. I would venture a guess that not many people would choose those words to describe being arrested, either.

I almost chose not to include my mugshot with this blog post, after seeing how awful I look in it. But in my defense, when the police arrived to arrest me, I was asleep, in bed. They hardly gave me the opportunity to get dressed. Couple that with the fact that, before taking the shot, I was left in a holding cell with one anti-social psychopath who was being deprived of her pain meds and an overly social woman coming off of some kind of drug that makes you twitch and see things. So, for three hours, I huddled in a corner, pretending to be asleep while secretly fearing for my life as the socialite kept pestering the woman detoxing from her prescription to "get off the fucking bed, bitch." The bed in question was a raised cement block, which they both felt entitled to. After a short while of arguing, they were ready to duke it out and kill one another over it. I prayed they wouldn't turn on me, since I was only taking up a corner in the floor.

    I really was praying, between moments of panic and fear. I couldn't help but wonder why God would allow this, after all I had done cleaning up my life(isn't that an arrogant thought?) Realizing this, I began to pray instead that whatever would come from this would glorify God--that it would make Him look good. Soon, they pulled me out of that holding cell of hell, let me make a phone call, and got me into the fashionable gray and black striped jumpsuit, which swallowed me. Apparently, they didn't have a small size. They gave me a basket with a blanket, a towel, a mat, toilet paper, shampoo, a bar of soap, a cup, and a comb. It was about 4 a.m. when I got put in a cell block. I was stuck in there til my husband could bail me out the next day. I quietly found an empty place on a bottom bunk, and settled in. I was expecting the block to be like the holding cell, full of crazy and/or violent people. Instead, everyone was asleep, except for one woman, who I later found out was the equivalent of the head of the block--the convict who took charge and delegated to everyone. She greeted me, and explained a few things before we both layed down on our respective mats to try and sleep, which I found surprisingly difficult without a pillow.

An hour or two later, they brought in one of the crazies I had been in a holding cell with. She proceeded to act crazy, and woke everyone up. I think a few of the people would have beat her if breakfast hadn't been served right then. Everyone ate, and a few of them spoke to me, wondering what I was in for. I told them--aggravated assault, with a $30,000 bond, which apparently made me a 'badass'. I didn't feel like it, though. If they knew the whole story, they wouldn't think so, either. But I allowed them to think what they wanted, hoping it would keep me from getting picked on for any reason.

Time passes so slowly in there. By lunch time, I felt it should have been evening. Eventually, though, my husband got me out. I thought it would have been 5 or 6 in the evening, but it was only 1 p.m. Thankfully, it was a Monday, so I had my Celebrate Recovery family to go see that evening. That was truly a blessing, having the opportunity to be received by a group of people who can understand and comfort and help and love me unconditionally and be so supportive of me directly after something traumatic. These people had come to be closer to me than my own family.

A month or so later, my arraignment date was approaching. I was very nervous, but I had maintained in my heart that if I ended up going to jail, then God wanted me there for a reason. Maybe someone in there needed ministering to, or maybe it would help me grow in some way. Being arrested already diminished my pride greatly, so, as hard as it was, I made myself grateful for that. I had always reassured myself in my using days that even though I was bad, I was never that bad. I had never gone to jail, so I was more in control than those who let themselves get caught. Ha ha. That was me, sitting chest deep in quicksand, looking down on the guy next to me who was neck deep, thinking I was better off. God nipped that in the bud.

On the morning of my arraignment, I left for the courthouse with my dad, leaving my husband at home with Kiley. Though terrified, I also had faith that God would take care of me and my family. Solemnly, I walked into the court room, finding seats near the front for me and my dad. Listening to all of the proceedings gave me time to become more nervous. I listened as a woman charged with the same offense was sentenced. At that point, I would have cried if I hadn't been in a 'deer-in-the-headlights' state. Finally, the judge had all those present for an arraignment file for a public defender, should they want one, as he took a recess. The bailiff passed the sheets out as a group of us shuffled from the court room to fill out the paper work. Returning to my seat, I resumed the position of cowering down low, as if it would make me invisible, hoping the judge would forget about the Rodgers, Hailey case, as he returned to the court room. The judge began to call the first in line on the list of arraignments, beginning with the last name of Anderson, but the district attorney politely interrupted him in order to give me a heart attack. "Before we begin, I would like to bring the Hailey Rodger's case to the stand." My heart stopped, and I shakily made my way to the defendant's table. Surely, they were about to throw me back in jail, for whatever reason. Why else would they go out of alphabetical order?

 "The Prosecution moves to dismiss the charges against Mrs. Rodgers." I'm pretty sure my jaw was hanging open at this point. Even as the judge officiated it, "Case dismissed, you are free to go," I remained petrified. After an eternity, it sunk in, and I slunk toward the exit. My heart was finally released from it's prison of terror when my dad pat me on the back. I looked over and finally managed a meek smile. Realizing what had actually happened, my heart swelled with the joy only someone condemned but set free could feel. Reaching my car, I immediately called my husband to relay the grace that God had worked for us. I left the courthouse with a renewed belief that we are all sinners, no matter how good you have been or will be, and that some of us are lucky enough to get caught while others are sufferers of socially acceptable sins(like pride), and a new appreciation for the song Amazing Grace.

Have you ever endured something bad, but come out good on the other side, or experienced something miraculous? How about being humbled?

Beautiful Things..

Biblical Marriage

 Here is a Video
recently posted on Facebook that I felt I should address. I watched it a couple weeks ago, so I probably missed something he mentioned in the video. If so, please post a comment on it, and I will address what I missed.


Taking examples only from the old testament is a very poor way to research Biblical marriage; there is a reason it is called the 'Old' Testament. It is a book of history, and a lot of the information is there for only that purpose of reference. Biblical scholars, Christians, etc, recognize that this information isn't applicable anymore, as of Christ being crucified for our sins. The reason it was written down is so that we can look back and see that before Jesus, all we had was rules. My church is doing an entire study on Biblical marriage, so we've recently been studying examples like these.

The verses he mentioned, Genesis 2:24, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." is pretty self explanatory. Deuteronomy 22:28 is the laws given to the Israelites in the wilderness, and therefore being taken out of context. These laws were no longer needed upon the death of Jesus. They may seem harsh, but the Israelite were doubting people, and they had to have some sort of stability to keep the group from being in chaos. They had formerly been slaves, and hadn't ever had experience in managing their own lives. Not to mention you need to look at the historical atmosphere. They were just outside of Egypt, who had no problem with rape, adultery, etc. The law he mentioned, discussing a man who raped a woman having to marry her is designed to make it so the rapist doesn't get away with his crime(sex without the commitment of marriage) and assuring that the woman is taken care of for the rest of her life. The rapist would have to serve out the rest of his life, working to pay off the penance for his crime, the woman benefiting from his hard work, essentially child support, but without the child. At this time in history and in any other group of people, the woman would have been exiled for no longer being a virgin, and the man would have gotten away with it entirely. So, taken in historical context, this law is much more civilized than any in that day and age. Exodus 21:4 is another example of this. The Hebrew people, after being freed from Egyptian slavery, made the decision amongst themselves to allow an indentured servitude to pay off debts. If one of the men working for someone decided to get married and have children with one of his employer's servants, who was purchased in the same manner slaves in early America were, that didn't change the fact that the employer had purchased her. That doesn't mean Christians think slavery is okay. Again, the Old Testament is important in a historical context. And you can't take things out of context and decide not to use a brain when thinking about them. In comparison to the surrounding groups of people, this was a great step in civil rights. Had a man taken a servant for a wife, he would have been ridiculed and exiled, never to see the one he loves again. Concerning the multiple places in the Bible where it states that the husband is head of the wife, and she should submit to him, I will clarify why this is a good thing: It states that the husband should be the head of the wife, as Jesus was to the church(body of believers); Jesus wasn't a ruler. He took on a servant role to any and all that believed in him. He washed their feet, not vice versa. A husband who heads a household like Christ was to the church sacrifices himself so that his wife may be taken care of. Anyone who tries to portray it otherwise is ignoring a very important aspect of Biblical marriage. And a submissive wife is one who does not domineer over her husband. What husband wants a berating, loud, obnoxious wife? Submission is not the same thing as slavery. It's saying,"Okay. I know you're making the wrong choice, and I could probably do it better than you, but out of respect for you, I'm letting you decide." It also states that both husband and wife submit to one another, out of reverence for God. Is that scripture ever quoted by those trying to assault Biblical marriage? Nooo. Because they can't use it in a demeaning way. The whole concept of marriage is that male and female personalities and inclinations are on opposing ends of the scale, and that to be married should reconcile these into both parties, making them both more Christ-like in the end. This is something we went over in church, which, while it is largely true for most humans on the face of the earth, there are always exceptions*:

Men                                Women

- Protect                            -Nurture

              - Task-oriented                 -Relationship-oriented

  - Fear failure                  - Fear rejection

- Desire respect               -Desire love    

- Rational                        - Emotional

- Goal-oriented               - Process-oriented

- Analytical                         -Intuitive

Christians believe in marriage as a man and woman, not because they don't think gay rights are important, but because they believe that the union between a man and woman(and thereby their opposing personalities) is the best way to become more like Christ. My personal opinion concerning the gay rights issue is that Christians put far too much energy and thought into what rights other people should or should not have, when the one thing Christians are called to do over everything else is to love your neighbor as yourself. If you want to get married, it has no effect on me. As a Christian, I am simply supposed to love you, no matter what.

Please feel free to present me with any Bible verses you would like me to go over on my blog, and I will be happy to do so.

*edit.

Images of Addiction

At the last meeting I went to, someone posed the question, "What image represents addiction to you?"

One older woman said it was an ugly demon.

A young man stated in contrast, a beautiful, seductive demon.

Most agreed the Grim Reaper was an accurate representation. 

I see chains.

One kid, a teenager, provided one of the most poignant answers -- a lens. Everything you see is through the lens of addiction, the way you see your family, friends, life in general. When you remove that lens, everything is different. I think that's why it's difficult for a lot of people to remain in recovery. They stop taking drugs, but they continue to see everything through that lens. Suspicion, solitude, distrust, manipulation, they are part of that lens, and it's hard to function like a normal person when that is how you see life. I just thought that was such an effective way to sum it up, I had to record it and share.

Here are a couple images I have relating to the topic:

My husband did this sculpture using an artist's mannequin, the piece is titled "Consumption" and the concept was based on bitterness and how it consumes you, but I can't help but relate it to addiction as well.

 

He lets us fall sometimes.

 

This is a painting I did recently. I actually dreamt this up. My mother's favorite flower is a sunflower. The yellow and white things are morphine capsules, the kind she takes.

"This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken withing
The Light meets the Dark"
lyrics by Tenth Avenue North

 

This is another painting I did, titled "Freedom". The background text is excerpts from the gospels containing the death and resurrection of Jesus.

He protects us..

Here is a sloppy photo of my most recent painting. The lighting is awful, and when I get new batteries I promise to take a better picture. The concept of this photo was the idea that even though most people don't know it, or choose not to acknowledge it, God is protecting us. We may be as unaware of it as the eggs in His palm, but that doesn't change the fact that He is present.